Then it came to her. She was waiting for the test results. They’d taken her blood. A lot of it. She must have fallen asleep again, and woke confused and groggy, which had been happening since she started feeling sick. On the far wall near the corner of the room was a door with a round clock above it. By the door, another poster. A cross-section of the inside of a vagina. She looked away and grimaced. It brought up an old memory of a time when she was younger. Her girlfriend had hung herself in their closet. They’d met in biology class. She remembered finding her hanging from a tie wrapped around her neck. The body was bloated and had turned a greenish-red color and there was red foam around her mouth and nose. She had been cheating on Jade with a man and gotten pregnant, the shame was too much for her. For Jade, the memory had been locked away. Until now. The vagina on the wall brought the memories flooding back. Just like the one hanging on the wall in biology class where her love used to sit.
As Jade examined her surroundings, her head cleared a little. Time seemed to move slower in the room. She shivered as irrational fear gripped her. She looked at the poster again. She wondered who the fuck came up with the names. Labia Majora. Labia Minora. Jesus, just call it what it is, a fucking pussy. The door opening made her jump. A doctor and nurse entered. He reached out a hand for her to shake.
“Good to see you,” he said, shaking her hand.
“Don’t sugarcoat it, what the fuck is wrong with me?”
He paused, frowned, and shook his head.
“The news is not good.”
“Just hit me with it.”
“Your biopsy came back and your liver is failing. Cirrhosis. To make a long story short you need a liver transplant. Fast. If you’re lucky, you will have about a year to live. My suggestion is you see a specialist, and I’m giving you a referral to the best hepatologist—”
“—Fuck, less than a year?”
“Yes, it’s basically a matter of time,” The Doctor stood, “but there is hope. Once you see the specialist, you can get put on the donor list and—”
“—Don’t most people die waiting while on said lists?” Her fists clenched and she bit her lip.
“Some, not all. Transplants these days are largely successful. You’ll have to stop drinking…”
Jade was no longer listening. Her thoughts became frantic. Oh Shit, oh fuck! I don’t want to fucking die. I’m only thirty-nine! I have so much life left, she thought.
“Jade, Are you okay?” He moved toward her.
She continued staring at nothing, her whole body shaking. I don’t want to fucking die! I’m not ready! There has to be something I can do!
“Jade! Are you okay?” The Doctor said.
He waved a hand in front of her face.
She didn’t budge.
Then it occurred to her. Maybe if I eat his liver, it will heal mine. Livers can heal, right? It’s worth a shot.
The Doctor put his hand on her shoulder and gently shook her “Jade?”
Kill Him! she thought, rip his insides out!
The Doctor turned to The Nurse. “I think she is in shock, get help.”
The Nurse nodded and left.
Now’s your chance. Do it. Kill. Murder.
Jade felt the surge of adrenaline and jumped from the chair. She grabbed him by the throat and slammed him down on the exam table. Reaching out, she grabbed the otoscope off the wall, placed the pointy end over his eye, and hammered it in with her other hand. The force behind her violent outburst was enough to jam it into the eye socket. The ruptured eye oozed and The Doctor screamed and flung up a hand trying to rise off the table. She grabbed the red sharps container off the counter nearby and beat his face with it. Over and over. Blood flew. His nose snapped. Finally, he was out cold.
She sighed and slowed down. Now it will be easier. I need to hurry before that bitch comes back.
She searched for something to slice him open with.
Nothing.
“Fuck,” she said.
My purse! Turning, she grasped it and frantically combed around inside. Her hands closed in on the object she was looking for.
A pocketknife.
Not any pocketknife, this one was special. Her dad gave it to her before he passed away. She had almost forgotten she had it. It had an inscription on it. For Jade, you will have something to remember me by. Love, Dad.
Lifting it out of the bag, she opened it and smiled as she touched the edge. Still sharp. Now, her father could still help her, even after death. Thanks, Dad.
She jammed the knife into The Doctor’s upper abdomen as hard as she could. His eyes darted open. He screamed, yelling, “What the fuck?” as he tried to sit up.
She pushed him back down.
“I am going to eat your liver. It will make me better, it will heal me.”
“It doesn’t work that way, please,” he begged. He looked at her, eyes pleading as she removed the blade and jammed it in his throat, then dragged it across as much as she could. After the initial arterial spray splashed her face and shirt, He began to gurgle blood and gasped for breath. She looked into his eyes and her lip curled up on one side.
The Nurse burst through the door “I heard screaming.”
Seeing the blood, the open wound in the doctor’s abdomen, and the otoscope stuck in his eye socket, her eyes widened.
Jade whipped around before the nurse could scream and jammed the knife into the side of her throat, pulled sideways, and then withdrew it. The nurse backed toward the door and put a hand up to her neck as the blood flowed from the wound, covered her fingers, and dripped down her scrubs to the floor. Jade watched as her legs buckled and The Nurse slumped to the floor. Her eyes locked onto Jade and remained open as she took her last breath.
Satisfied, Jade shut the door, returned to her initial task, and plunged the knife into his belly, sawing down as fast as the knife permitted. The lower intestines were exposed. She pulled it all out as much as she could and dropped it. She could see the liver now. She smiled and wrapped her fingers around it and pulled at it, but it wouldn’t move more than a few inches. She pushed her hand into the wound and began to pull out chunks of yellow fat that tinged with blood that looked like melted cheddar cheese with hot sauce and tossed it to the ground, and then the stomach.
“You won’t need this anymore.” She said.
It was attached to the abdominal wall by ligaments. She sliced through them, and then pulled the liver out of The Doctor’s twitching body and brought it to her mouth. She bit it, struggling to chew through it. It tasted like metal, and the texture was runny, soft, and chewy, like a sponge. How much is enough? She took another bite, then another. She ate half of it before she got full and calmed down. She was now in a predicament. Someone would be looking for The Doctor soon.
Oh fuck.
Jade dropped the half-eaten liver, went to the door, and slowly opened it. She peeked out. She looked left down the hall. No one was around. She looked right and saw an exit sign above a door not far away. She ran for it as fast as she could, shoved the door open, and went outside.
~~~
Days later Jade was throwing up in the toilet of a seedy run-down motel room with brown stains in the once white carpet, mold coming out of a crack in the ceiling, and that smelled like stale beer and cigarette smoke. When finished, she stood and ripped some toilet paper off the roll, wiped her mouth, threw it into the bowl, and flushed. Making her way back to bed, she sat and turned on the TV. The same thing was on as the last time she turned it on. Her face was on every news channel. Eating that liver didn’t help. She felt worse. All that work to be wanted for murder. What a waste. It was a trial run though. She had a plan B. The woman sleeping on the bed woke up and rolled over at the sound of the television. Jade clicked off the TV as the sheet covering her fell, uncovering her breasts.
“Good morning,” The Woman sat up.
She leaned over to kiss Jade, and their lips met.
The Woman breaks the kiss. “Last night was wonderful, Jade. Best I’ve had in a long time.”
“Me too,” Jade said.
“I gotta pee,” The Woman rose from the bed.
Jade watched The Woman’s ass jiggle as she walked into the bathroom and sighed. Too bad she had to kill such a beautiful creature. The doctor was a spontaneous trial run. This time, she had a plan. She heard the toilet flush, and the woman returned.
The Woman giggled as she sat down and leaned in for another kiss, not realizing how empty Jade's eyes were.
“Eat me like you did last night, baby.” The Woman said lying down.
Jade watched The Woman run her hands over her own body and squirm on the bed and waved her over. Jade leaned down to put her lips on her beef flaps and sucked, moving her tongue around in circles. She tasted urine but didn’t mind. She liked the flavor. She sucked the woman’s clit into her mouth and ran her tongue over it.
“Oh, fuck yes!”
Her excitement was short-lived as Jade bit down, sawing her teeth back and forth. The woman screamed. Blood filled Jade’s mouth as she tore away The Woman’s pussy lips. The Woman kicked and flailed her arms to get away, screaming the whole time, but Jade climbed on top of her and held her down. She spit the bloody bits on her face, the blood covering her teeth and dripping out of her mouth.
“Surprise.” She said.
The woman was sobbing now, and Jade punched her in the mouth.
“Shut the fuck up!” Jade screamed.
“You bit my fucking clit off!” The woman said between sobs, blood running down her chin.
“I’m not finished yet, I need your liver to give myself a transplant. I am sorry, but I have to rip you open.”
Jade reached over to the side table, opened her purse, pulled her knife out, and plunged it into The Woman, right under the ribs. It happened so fast The Woman didn’t react until Jade sawed into her. First one way, then the other.
“Oh, God!” The Woman screamed.
Jade leaned forward, “God isn’t coming,” and continued cutting her open as her eyelids flitted, and then closed.
When the rough incision was big enough, Jade pulled the intestines out. When they wouldn’t come out any farther, she put the shit tube in her mouth and chewed it in half, and let it slide onto the floor. Next came the stomach, and there it was: The liver.
Lying down, she prepared to cut herself open.
She knew it would hurt, but she wasn’t prepared for how bad it would be. She plunged the knife into her abdomen, screamed, and nearly passed out. She held on, sawing, the knife slicing up and down, opening her. She got woozy, and her movements slowed. The blood loss was too much, and she stopped trying to cut. Her hands dropped to her sides. She looked over at the dead woman beside her.
Fuck, why didn’t that work?
She coughed up blood.
Her body convulsed.
Jade was still.